By Gelyne Cayetano
My second struggle – I had no support on my journey.
I remember I would tell close friends, “Hey, I can’t eat that. I’m on a diet.” As much as I was wanted to accept people’s food, I was strictly trying to get used to eating healthy food. Every time, I would say to people, “I’m on diet.” I would hear “You’re not on a diet! You’re not going to reach your goal.” Or sometimes I got the random laugh and people just didn’t take me seriously. I would listen to it most of the time and agree.
As I mentioned, I was a single parent to two beautiful boys. I was also fighting a battle with my ex-partner at that time. To make my story short, I was a victim of domestic violence. My confidence and self-esteem were low. It was a toxic and poisonous situation. Every day I lived in fear. I lost myself and not just that, but I lost myself being a happy mother.
I remember when I was changing my diet and started my very first workout, he gave me doubts saying I looked like a pig, and I will never get there because my body was already ruined by the stretch marks from having babies, especially on my belly. I fell apart and started to believe these flaws. At this part of my life, I was depressed not just on myself, but on life as a whole. I couldn’t enjoy anything anymore.
As months went by I loss 15 lbs, but I still didn’t feel good. I was getting put down every time. It was hard to cope with someone who you think would support you 100% but instead always gave you negative feedback. That was a tough situation to be in. That whole year I struggled to stay strong for me and my kids.
Time went by, and I moved on from the abusive relationship. Yes, depression was still there for me. I sacrificed and stood firm to what I thought was a family picture. That was the turning point of my life. It was hard, but this is where fitness started to become my lifestyle, or that I called it my therapy. I started running more and working out more. The feeling of confidence and feeling good about myself started to come. I remember this quote I read, “They say the hardest part is working on yourself, and being better than you were yesterday.” From my experience, I do believe that. It’s hard not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well.
When my self-confidence grew, I still had people doubt me. They’d say, “Oh, she will never be fit. She’s going to gain back her weight. She’s depressed that’s why she probably doesn’t eat.” I heard a lot of negative comments around me but I that turned into motivation instead of crying about it. To this day I thank for all the people that didn’t believe in me because they played a significant role in my life. They became my inspiration and motivation. I learned sometimes you need that negativity because without it there would be no struggle. It wasn’t all about proving people wrong, but about proving to myself that I can do it. Will I listen to doubters, to toxic people? In life do we need to stress and believe the negative words from others? No. You listen to you. Listen to what your heart tells you and that’s how you’ll live and stay positive.
(To read Part III, click here)
Gelyne is a mother of two beautiful kids! She’s also a full-time student, a motivational speaker, and a contributor for FCM!
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